it was 2yrs back this day, June 8th, we bid farewell to the greatest human being of our lives. Our Dad, our Appa, our Dada boy, our Gapa.
Time heals, was one big lie, that the whole world lied to us that day.
But our Appa knows that it has never been easy till this second, with the intensity of that stabbing pain increasing with each denied moment with him.
Although we promised to unite as a family each year this day, here we are in different parts of the world, but held together in thoughts, memories, prayers and tears.
we wanted to visit his grave that gloriously bears his name and that shining Cross that bears witness to his and our faith.
We wanted to buy those fresh and best flowers in the world and decorate his granite house that stores his mortal remains.
We wanted to buy those brightest candles and stand beside him as a testimony to what he was.
We wanted to hold our hearts together and cry like little babies to show him what he has left behind.
we wanted to be in the best of our clothes, dreseed like he always wanted us to be.
I wanted to gently pat my mom and say, “what a blessed woman you are.”
i wanted to look into my brother’s eyes and ask the same old question, why us, why our dad, why so soon, why so suddenly.
I wanted to hug Jaya, my sister in law and she would whisper, ” Dad is in heAven, dad is with Jesus, he never wanted us to cry”
we are here, today, walking with broken bandages. Bandages that keeps tearing off each time we talk nought of this great man. We wrapped our open wounds with his memories.
Sometimes I wish some random doctor told us that those will be the final 10 days of dad or some angel just hinted us that dad will disappear in the next 5 days.
I promise dad, if I knew those were your last days, I would have hugged you every single day.
I would have kissed you every single minute.
I would have begged forgiveness for every wrong and led a guilt free life after your disappearance.
I would have done everything for you. Changed your clothes, wiped your body and held you like a baby.
All 5 of us would sit around you, read the Bible and desperately made the dying prayer.
We would have put up our best face, smiling, just to assure you that we are enjoying our final moments with you.
in short we would have faked it.
But none of the above happened.
You flew without a clue,
There was no time for a goodbye hug.
You saw our naked souls, with all the blemish, the imperfect souls you loved.
You told me you were coming to see me, you promised to be the first few to hold my newborn.
you have never j lied to me, neither were your final words a lie.
you did come, as a baby, the baby I fondly call Ved, in your memory.
You took a part of me with you to heaven, but you were also kind enough to leave a part of you in my lap.
He is wearing your smile, that smile that angelic grace that can fix any heartbreak in a flash.
We wear layers of niceness around us, but the inner hurt is as cruel as the 1st time on June 8th, 2014, we heard a stranger say, your dad is no more.
So many fathers, Rich Fathers, Poor Fathers, Rude Fathers, Namesake Fathers, but you are a step above everyone, A Blessed Father.
With the faith you taught us , we are awaiting eagerly to unite together with you for eternity.
Rest In Peace Appa,
Rest for a while,
Rest your tried hands & feet,
Rest in heavenly peace.
Rest till we meet again at Jesus feet.